If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. 2. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Caller: Is Sgt. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. I was very nervous, she said. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. 3. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Now, lets try it again! My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Officer: Soldier. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Individual use is by implied consent. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Large mahogany desk.. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. How old are you? a tenant asked. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. 5. Heres what they came up with: you cant do both. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? 6. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Dont think so? Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. 28. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. Me: Hello? And )second The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. We recommend our users to update the browser. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. He then made his way to my side. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Proceed at your own risk. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Rodrigues there? I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. 13:30 comes and goes. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Aircraft Engineers 1. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Caller: Sgt. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! 66. How much noise can we make up here? Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Yes, she said. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. 15. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Rodrigues there? You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. The Lasting Supper One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Learn from the mistakes of others. 1. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. It took the poor guy all day. 34. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. I'm impressed! I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . 30. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Because the Army needed heroes too. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Caller: Is Sgt. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Good judgment comes from experience. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to [email protected]. At least SEVEN Cs! What do hungry Marines eat? Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. You had tents?" Of course, he responded. A military captain saying I was just thinking A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Its a NO FLY zone! It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. August 15, 2021. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? . For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. He is the Founder and . Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Bad altitude. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Aviation JOKES. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Do you want to hear about my plane?. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Ive been sandblasted.. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Why? I asked. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Flight Announcements 4. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. March forth! During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Ocean Pearl, I answered. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! What happened Sergeant? Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. Long Haul Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Thanks. A LOOtenant! And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Caller: Is Sgt. Chicago. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Me: Hello? My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Anecdotes 1. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. (Hang up. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. He says, Anyway, enough about me. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Stay out of clouds. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. We were a tough group. Why? I asked. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Fish Food. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. A Recruiter Misled You. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. 13. Now he likes peanuts.. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! What do hungry Marines eat? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. More information More like this You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. The Army will post guards around the building. 35. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. Anecdotes 2. 17. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. Dad got quiet. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. You had tents?, USAF: Birds The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). R-i-i-ing!) Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. "They're all mine. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Later, I spoke with Mom. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Attention! A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Thanks.. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! He needed COVER! and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Where are you from? Takeoffs are optional. How tough? March forth! Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. A drill serGENTLEMEN! However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Want more amazing military jokes? In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. He nodded. 32. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. They throw out a pistol. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Full Disclosure Here. I say again, stand down and divert your course. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. He nodded. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. They bagged six. 4. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? 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